|
Soul Stirrings: How looking
back gives each of us the freedom to move forward
by Joyce M. Coleman
Excerpt : Looking Back
- Reflections
When
I made the decision to revisit memories of my early childhood, the most
vivid pictures were of school related times.
So that’s where I began. During
my odyssey there were discoveries and re-discoveries – some that
validated my sense of self, and others that motivated me to become
proactive about reshaping behavior not supportive of my goals.
Some of the resultant impacts follow.
IMPROVED
SELF-CONFIDENCE.
It was fortuitous that I was well into my journey of
self-discovery by the time my career path made a radical change, just
prior to the traditional “season
of school” in 1999. I was
at yet another crossroad in my life, this time caused by a confluence of
conflict of vision amid corporate maneuverings and my own emerging sense
of who I could be. Perhaps
it was the self-discovery that was the pre-emptive force that made me
adamantly articulate my own vision.
I was no longer glad just to be admitted through the
corporate-officer door. I knew I could offer more.
You see, what I learned along the pathway to my beginnings freed
me from many longstanding fears and misgivings about not being good
enough or smart enough, and gave me courage and hope for the future.
SEEING
THROUGH A DIFFERENT FILTER…
As a child and young adult I did not understand the reasons
for many of my parents’ beliefs and behaviors.
Most seemed old fashioned at best, if not downright bizarre.
As I more closely examined their circumstances, I learned that
the way they went about their lives was in many cases a strategic
response to situations that challenged their very existence. What appeared “country” was an absolute miracle of
ingenuity and courage in the face of overpowering odds.
What I perceived as stern, unyielding, and moving too slowly I
now saw as having a clear vision of right and wrong, and a willingness
to exercise patience in the attainment of objectives.
PERMISSION
TO RELAX.
Work, not play, was my reality.
Play was a luxury available during school lunch periods and
moments we stole from chores. Sometimes,
we made a game of our work, but felt we had to be careful not to appear
to be having too much fun. At
the time, the arrangement seemed perfectly normal.
I didn’t know any other way.
As I remembered my past, I
realized that I’ve spent a lifetime ensuring that I was always
busy, doing something that others considered worthwhile.
Sort of like justifying my existence. Although I’ve not
discovered a solution, just
knowing that the problem exists means that I can work at correcting it.
I want my work to count, to matter, to have a purpose.
And I know that I deserve a break for play every now and then.
Return to Soul Stirrings home
page.
|